Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
