Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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