In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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