I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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