ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
