I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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