oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
