And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
