She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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