I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
