Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
