Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
