Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
