Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
