let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am available for nakedness
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