Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
