im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
