i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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