Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Michael Bay diarrhea
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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