Sponge bath it is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize