WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
