what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
