Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
