dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
