My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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