All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Enjoy the penises
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
