i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
