Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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