I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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