Me. At least after what I've been through.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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