i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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