I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
