call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
