As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
