Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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