i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will pee on everything he values.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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