Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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