she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
