how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
