Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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