Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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