Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The Olympian is in my bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
