i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
