I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
