bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize