Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
