I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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