through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
