This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
