If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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