I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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