it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
