I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
