They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
