someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
