the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
