the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
