he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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