there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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