I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
