When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
