I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
