I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
