It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
