You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
