You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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