Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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