Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
