I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
